Excuse the bad poetry. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's get started.
I used to have an identity. A set identity, fixed in stone. I used to have an identity I wanted for future-me, set in stone. I used to have a plan. I used to want to be perfect. I used to be perfect.
And then I thought, f*ck it.
(I shouldn't be using this language. But I am, just to drive home a point.)
This way is so much better.
I used to work for marks. I used to do EVERYTHING for the sake of school. I lost my sleep over so much bullshit Authority told me to do. Most of it wasn't even important. But I did it, because I was expected to. Because I wanted to be perfect.
Yes, my 13-year-old brain totally comprehended the meaning of perfect. A perfect girl was one who listened to her parents+teachers, did everything that was told to her, did some bedtime reading (classics, never anything that could spark a fire) and slept by 10 pm. She looked like Barbie, she never got involved with boys, never was a rumour spread, never did anyone say a bad word about her. I used to want this so much. SO much.
But never in this definition of perfect did the word "fun" come. Or "individuality".
9th happened, 10th happened. I still tried to work towards the definition of perfect-future-me, that I had in 8th. I didn't have enough time to focus on this - and that might have been the best thing that happened to me.
If you know me, you know my turbulent 10th. Long story short - they wanted me to become a techie/something along those lines, I wanted to become a writer/something along those lines, and eventually I won. Not without a lot of introspection, not without a lot of doubt.
Not without a lot of - how shall I put this delicately - imperfection.
She got 94 in the Boards! She got 100 in Computers! Her mom's an architect, her dad's a techie! She went to St Mary's, and quite a few people there thought she was smart - and St Mary's has the smartest people anyway! She'll do something great with her life. I know, she'll become an engineer! She'll do Science at FC or SMJC, get amazing marks, go to Harvard or Yale, snag a rich husband (this was the unsaid part, in India we don't talk much about husbands until the wedding day itself), have a couple of straight-A kids, and they'll be perfect too.
However.
She got 94 in the Boards! She got 100 in Computers! - So? I don't think that's any indication of smartness anyway.
Her mom's an architect, her dad's a techie! - That just made her want to rebel more.
She went to St Mary's, and quite a few people there thought she was smart - and St Mary's has the smartest people anyway! - This is a lie. They teach you nothing, except how to memorize stuff. And they don't even teach that. I love Mary's and all, but they placed way too much importance on textbooks. You know my opinions already.She'll do something great with her life. I know, she'll become an engineer! - No, fellow Indians. IITians are not the greatest people on Earth. She'll do Science at FC or SMJC, get amazing marks, go to Harvard or Yale, snag a rich husband, have a couple of straight-A kids, and they'll be perfect too. - None of this was said (except the Science bit), or even implied in sneaky undertones. But you KNOW it's what you wanted, don't lie. The marriage part - truth be told, I find most boys of my generation completely repulsive.
There goes my perfection.
The worst part is, I actually wanted a life-plan like this, all the way till I was 14.
Then I grew some brains.
I actually had a vision of 16-year-old me. She'd be the coolest person on the planet. Everyone would love her. She'd top all her exams. She'd have a close bunch of friends, and they'd all love each other till the end of time.
Bullshit. I'm 16 now, and most people probably think I'm a b!tch (just say it to my face, please). Junior College is just a season of Gossip Girl, where everyone goes behind everyone else's backs. Yes, I do have some friends I like better than others, but I wouldn't be very surprised if some of them stabbed me in the back.
The Julius Caesar reference^? Yeah, I totally nerd out over things like that. I spend my mornings cutting classes and reading. Shakespeare. I listen to bands like Eluveitie and Agalloch and Nightwish, which I doubt of a majority of 16 year girls. I religiously research people like Tina Fey, Helen Mirren, Lena Headey, Margaret Atwood, Anneke van Giersbergen (a Dutch singer) - almost to the point of stalking, because THESE are the people I want to be like. They're all perfect - a different kind of perfect. A kind of perfect that society never let me realize until now.
A kind of perfect where you make your own life, however wonky and convoluted it it. A kind of perfect where you trash the marks-college-husband-kids-fullstop trajectory, because you just don't like it. I mean yes, most/ all of them had good marks and went to pretty good colleges, and all but Helen Mirren have kids - but you know what I mean. Probably not. Thing is, they didn't let that trajectory define them. I don't know any of them personally, but I doubt they said "Oh, hey, I think I'll go to college just because it's what ladies do". I do want to get into a good college - to make connections, because a writer can't really survive without them. I want to get into a good college to become smarter, not to get more marks. I want to be like them, in the sense that I totally become a boss in whatever field I choose - but I still retain my individuality, not leftover celluloid.
I didn't really explain that previous paragraph well. I'm sorry. Actually, I'm not. I'm not apologetic, because I know exposition isn't my strong point - see, there's something I'm not good at, and I won't try to hide it. I'm not perfect. 16-year-olds of today, don't kid yourself. You're not perfect either. Don't try to be.
You don't need your crush to like you.
You don't need your friends to envy your boobs.
You don't need a ton of makeup everyday.
You don't need the approval of your teachers (mostly).
You don't need to study for marks.
You need to study for knowledge.
You don't need to be perfect.
You need to be you.
This entire blogpost? It didn't have a meaning, it didn't have a moral, it didn't even have a point. I hope it had wisdom, but I'm not too sure. Lots of people will hate me after reading this - that's cool, all cool. I needed to get some things off my chest, after I read an article about girls and sex education on the HuffPost Women site. If you could let the younger generation know that they don't need to be perfect either - awesome, you have my thanks. If not, everyone has their own life, it's up to them how to use it.
As the Right Honourable Sir Clown Tristan Barker (a youtuber) said.
I'm not here to fit into your world, I'm here to build my own.
I used to have an identity. A set identity, fixed in stone. I used to have an identity I wanted for future-me, set in stone. I used to have a plan. I used to want to be perfect. I used to be perfect.
And then I thought, f*ck it.
(I shouldn't be using this language. But I am, just to drive home a point.)
This way is so much better.
I used to work for marks. I used to do EVERYTHING for the sake of school. I lost my sleep over so much bullshit Authority told me to do. Most of it wasn't even important. But I did it, because I was expected to. Because I wanted to be perfect.
Yes, my 13-year-old brain totally comprehended the meaning of perfect. A perfect girl was one who listened to her parents+teachers, did everything that was told to her, did some bedtime reading (classics, never anything that could spark a fire) and slept by 10 pm. She looked like Barbie, she never got involved with boys, never was a rumour spread, never did anyone say a bad word about her. I used to want this so much. SO much.
But never in this definition of perfect did the word "fun" come. Or "individuality".
9th happened, 10th happened. I still tried to work towards the definition of perfect-future-me, that I had in 8th. I didn't have enough time to focus on this - and that might have been the best thing that happened to me.
If you know me, you know my turbulent 10th. Long story short - they wanted me to become a techie/something along those lines, I wanted to become a writer/something along those lines, and eventually I won. Not without a lot of introspection, not without a lot of doubt.
Not without a lot of - how shall I put this delicately - imperfection.
She got 94 in the Boards! She got 100 in Computers! Her mom's an architect, her dad's a techie! She went to St Mary's, and quite a few people there thought she was smart - and St Mary's has the smartest people anyway! She'll do something great with her life. I know, she'll become an engineer! She'll do Science at FC or SMJC, get amazing marks, go to Harvard or Yale, snag a rich husband (this was the unsaid part, in India we don't talk much about husbands until the wedding day itself), have a couple of straight-A kids, and they'll be perfect too.
However.
She got 94 in the Boards! She got 100 in Computers! - So? I don't think that's any indication of smartness anyway.
Her mom's an architect, her dad's a techie! - That just made her want to rebel more.
She went to St Mary's, and quite a few people there thought she was smart - and St Mary's has the smartest people anyway! - This is a lie. They teach you nothing, except how to memorize stuff. And they don't even teach that. I love Mary's and all, but they placed way too much importance on textbooks. You know my opinions already.She'll do something great with her life. I know, she'll become an engineer! - No, fellow Indians. IITians are not the greatest people on Earth. She'll do Science at FC or SMJC, get amazing marks, go to Harvard or Yale, snag a rich husband, have a couple of straight-A kids, and they'll be perfect too. - None of this was said (except the Science bit), or even implied in sneaky undertones. But you KNOW it's what you wanted, don't lie. The marriage part - truth be told, I find most boys of my generation completely repulsive.
There goes my perfection.
The worst part is, I actually wanted a life-plan like this, all the way till I was 14.
Then I grew some brains.
I actually had a vision of 16-year-old me. She'd be the coolest person on the planet. Everyone would love her. She'd top all her exams. She'd have a close bunch of friends, and they'd all love each other till the end of time.
Bullshit. I'm 16 now, and most people probably think I'm a b!tch (just say it to my face, please). Junior College is just a season of Gossip Girl, where everyone goes behind everyone else's backs. Yes, I do have some friends I like better than others, but I wouldn't be very surprised if some of them stabbed me in the back.
The Julius Caesar reference^? Yeah, I totally nerd out over things like that. I spend my mornings cutting classes and reading. Shakespeare. I listen to bands like Eluveitie and Agalloch and Nightwish, which I doubt of a majority of 16 year girls. I religiously research people like Tina Fey, Helen Mirren, Lena Headey, Margaret Atwood, Anneke van Giersbergen (a Dutch singer) - almost to the point of stalking, because THESE are the people I want to be like. They're all perfect - a different kind of perfect. A kind of perfect that society never let me realize until now.
A kind of perfect where you make your own life, however wonky and convoluted it it. A kind of perfect where you trash the marks-college-husband-kids-fullstop trajectory, because you just don't like it. I mean yes, most/ all of them had good marks and went to pretty good colleges, and all but Helen Mirren have kids - but you know what I mean. Probably not. Thing is, they didn't let that trajectory define them. I don't know any of them personally, but I doubt they said "Oh, hey, I think I'll go to college just because it's what ladies do". I do want to get into a good college - to make connections, because a writer can't really survive without them. I want to get into a good college to become smarter, not to get more marks. I want to be like them, in the sense that I totally become a boss in whatever field I choose - but I still retain my individuality, not leftover celluloid.
I didn't really explain that previous paragraph well. I'm sorry. Actually, I'm not. I'm not apologetic, because I know exposition isn't my strong point - see, there's something I'm not good at, and I won't try to hide it. I'm not perfect. 16-year-olds of today, don't kid yourself. You're not perfect either. Don't try to be.
You don't need your crush to like you.
You don't need your friends to envy your boobs.
You don't need a ton of makeup everyday.
You don't need the approval of your teachers (mostly).
You don't need to study for marks.
You need to study for knowledge.
You don't need to be perfect.
You need to be you.
This entire blogpost? It didn't have a meaning, it didn't have a moral, it didn't even have a point. I hope it had wisdom, but I'm not too sure. Lots of people will hate me after reading this - that's cool, all cool. I needed to get some things off my chest, after I read an article about girls and sex education on the HuffPost Women site. If you could let the younger generation know that they don't need to be perfect either - awesome, you have my thanks. If not, everyone has their own life, it's up to them how to use it.
As the Right Honourable Sir Clown Tristan Barker (a youtuber) said.
I'm not here to fit into your world, I'm here to build my own.
